Whether you’re in a relationship or having a one-night stand, don’t leave contraception entirely in someone else’s hands.
This is a documented risk. A major US study found that around one in twelve men reported a partner trying to become pregnant against their wishes or interfering with their use of birth control during their lifetime.
The study used nationally representative US survey data from 2010–2012. The figure was 8.4%, or approximately 1 in 12 (100 ÷ 8.4 = 11.9). It measures reported behaviour, not the number of resulting pregnancies. Read the study, methods and Table 1.
If you don’t want to become a father, take responsibility before sex.
An STI can damage your health. An unwanted pregnancy can wreck the future you planned: years of financial obligations, parenting disputes and expensive court battles. A one-night stand can bring responsibilities that last for decades.
1. Discuss whether you both want children
If she wants a baby and feels time is running out, while you don’t want to be a dad, you have a serious mismatch. Don’t assume she is as determined to avoid pregnancy as you are. Find out before you sleep together, not after a positive pregnancy test.
Take her plans seriously. Don’t tell her “maybe soon” just to keep things going. Be straight: “I’m not looking to become a father.” Then back that up by taking responsibility for contraception yourself.
Don’t gamble your future on the hope that you both want the same outcome. A pregnancy you are desperate to avoid may be one she would welcome.
Women’s fertility declines with age, particularly after 35. But less fertile does not mean infertile. “I’m probably too old to get pregnant” is not birth control. Your Fertility
The warning is about different intentions and leaving contraception to someone else. Age alone is not evidence of deception.
2. Bring your own protection. Use it.
Don’t leave contraception entirely to someone else, especially someone you have just met.
Bring your own condoms. Keep them properly stored, check the expiry date and packaging, and use a new one from the start, following the instructions. Don’t double them up. Condoms reduce pregnancy risk and help protect against STIs, but they can fail. Healthdirect: condoms
“I’m on the pill” does not stop you using a condom. Another contraceptive method does not give you the STI protection a condom offers. Healthdirect: contraception
“No condom, no sex” is a perfectly reasonable boundary. You don’t need to apologise for it.
3. A one-night stand can have consequences for years
You might not know her surname, let alone her plans for children. Don’t assume that “casual” means pregnancy is off the table.
Don’t gamble on pulling out, guessing a safe day or being told it has never happened before. If you can’t agree on protection, don’t have sex that could result in pregnancy. Healthdirect: safe sex
And if either of you is too drunk to choose freely and communicate clearly, stop.
4. Don’t count on sorting it out afterwards
Don’t assume she would have an abortion because you said you didn’t want a baby. That is not a decision you can make for her.
Have the conversation, but don’t mistake an agreement about what you might do for a guarantee. Your chance to reduce the risk starts before sex.
If the remaining risk is more than you are willing to accept, don’t have sex that could cause pregnancy.
5. Take interference seriously
Damaging a condom or knowingly lying about agreed contraception is a breach of trust and your reproductive choices. Pressure to abandon protection is a reason to stop, not give in. 1800RESPECT: reproductive abuse
An unexpected pregnancy alone does not prove deception. If you have evidence of interference, keep the messages and get advice. Another person’s deliberate deception is their responsibility.
If you suspect deliberate interference, keep relevant messages and seek support. You can find contact details on Atlas’s support page.
6. If something goes wrong, act now
If a condom breaks or slips, tell her promptly. Get advice from a pharmacist, doctor or sexual-health clinic about emergency contraception and STI care. Some options are time-sensitive. She decides whether to use emergency contraception. Healthdirect: contraception
If you are sure you never want children, or any more children, talk to a doctor about vasectomy. Treat it as permanent. You still need contraception until follow-up testing and your clinician confirm clearance. It does not protect against STIs. Healthdirect: vasectomy
Watch her clock. Know your own mind. If you don’t want to be a dad, take responsibility before sex.